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Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 2:20 pm
by dell1972
The subject of children and whether or not you want them is something that a lot of people get passionate about these days, in my opinion it's a bit like spiritual/religious preference - i.e. something personal that probably shouldn't be foisted on others - though I guess you have to share your view on children with your partner or things are likely to go a bit wrong.

I never really thought I wanted kids, but things changed as I got older. I've got two kids, one is 4 and easy going and the other is almost 2 and the exact opposite - high maintenance. Both are fun in their own way, and both planned, but we now joke that one is our limit.

I enjoy having them and watching them grow, yet at the same time I miss having time to myself (Hell, I only skim read half of what's on here as you can sometimes tell), and other luxuries like going out regularly, going on holidays, not being tired all the time etc.. Then again I've done that will do again at some point. It's your choice, don't let anyone tell you what to do.

That fact that society still kind of expects people to do things like have children and get married is mystifying in my opinion. We had children because we wanted to, and haven't married yet as it's not a priority and we both felt having children was more of a commitment. It's funny, I get put down regularly for that in my work place by a sanctimonious arsehole who starts early and works late to avoid his kids. He feels morally superior to me and yet his kids cry when they're with him because they don't know him. Go figure, as our American friends would say.

Ramble over.

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:27 pm
by billybatts
I used to feel exhausted after my son was born. I remember leaving the house and driving and feeling like I had a cloud of tiredness hanging over my head for most of the day. After a few months I started exercising regularly and the difference, when the effects kicked in, was amazing. it's great being able to snap to it when the shit hits the fan.

i really don't understand why your colleague wants to avoid his kids. he's just ****ing them up in the long run. what's the point?

Also a bit nervous now about our second one. Our first is relatively easy going for a toddler but i'm really not looking forward to a HM one!

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 4:08 pm
by seedy
hmmm....i actually feel like current modern society is trending away from the "need" or "push" for a traditional family

idk, i could surely be wrong but it really feels this way from my observations of what i see in the world

and i think i'll leave my comment at that because as dell noted this topic is nearing something i get pretty fired up about.
i surely don't think "everyone needs kids, everyone needs to be married". not at all.
but i do think that marriage, kids, the traditional family should be given serious respect and importance and i feel in general that people are adopting more of a "who cares" attitude and in some cases we are borderline DISrespecting the concept of a traditional family. as if it's not "progressive" enough or some absanity like that.

oh yes

i'm 100% turning into a geezer right before yall's eyes! :shock:

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 9:18 am
by dell1972
Regarding the tiredness, after the first one I once fell asleep in traffic on the way to work! Admittedly I was in a stationary traffic jam, but I closed my eyes and when I opened them the road ahead was clear and the person behind me was politely beeping his horn!

Kids is a strangely touchy subject, there's a lot of people seemingly can't understand why someone would or wouldn't want to do it and feel their opinion is more valid somehow. The same with marriage as well. Do what suits you, to hell with what other people think.

Marriage is a funny one to me, it's seen by many as a safeguard against (for want of a better word) wankerishness. My partner was married before meeting me. She was physically and sexually abused by him over a number of years (he did martial arts) and ultimately he walked out on her after getting someone else pregnant. She was financially fleeced by him when they divorced as well. All that was under the auspices of a marriage license. She thought she couldn't have children but for whatever reason it wasn't to be with him. There was a lot of fallout from that relationship and I've had to deal with a lot of it in the intervening years.

Naturally she didn't see marriage as a priority and regarded having children with someone who isn't abusive to her as more important. Ultimately getting pregnant was the best thing for her and now we have two children. In the eyes of many though that makes me the bad man, as I don't have some state sponsored bullshit piece of paper to legitimise our relationship/family. I'm not going to walk out because I'm not a cretin and I don't need a piece of paper to stop me from walking at the drop of a hat.

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:17 am
by billybatts
Wow, that's some heavy stuff you've been dealing with. you're made of strong stuff! i agree with you about marriage. as long as the two of you are in balance over it then it's not a problem. ultimately it's a social concept. arguably good for safeguarding womens rights in some circumstances

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 12:50 pm
by Tito Lozano
Well, first say to Dell, all my best wishes for you and your partner my friend, yes life is sometimes so hard,but we must try make happiness to the other and self...

And of course all people is free to make with his life what want he/she,all the old traditions and concepts are very objective,for marriage and kids,for the moment i pass to bring to this world to a new part of me for watch all shit that the world is now,im still dont marriage cause the crisis of my country is very fuck to me,i see other people go off to the crisis with impregnating his wife and then cry to the boss of job....for me is sad have childrens for dont lose the job,or marry...

Life is diferent for all couples,me and my girlfriend for the moment wait for best time ,the most important is love to the other,everything else will follow...

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 1:55 pm
by billybatts
see, that's the tragedy, that you wont even bother with starting a family yet because the outlook is so bleak. soon having kids is going to be seen as the preserve of the rich, just wait.

reminds me of the Orbital track, Forever, with that great speech about idiotic mankind.

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 4:12 pm
by seedy
dell are you in the UK i take it?

here in the USA the whole kids out of wedlock thing is becoming more and more accepted
it's nearing a non-issue really!

i'm kind of on the fence with all that.
i really like the idea that the parents of each and every kid make a lifelong commitment to each other and their new family. but in the end "marriage" is just a piece of paper and a ceremony. neither are needed to have that level of devotion.
it's kind of a like proof for the masses....because anyone that truly knows you as a couple will know the extent of your devotion anyhoo - piece of paper not needed to tell the story there.

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 4:30 pm
by dell1972
It's largely a non issue in the UK as well, with some exceptions. It's certainly a non issue with the people who count in my life. It's not in Japan though, and I work for a Japanese company. In some respects they are a really advanced nation/civilisation, in others they're quite embarrassingly backward.

Re: Personal Round Two!

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 8:32 pm
by seedy
ha.....well that's a unique scenario i would think :P